Shattered dreams

It was July 9th, 2002. It started out like any other day. I was the head of a boy scout troop in Logan Utah and was putting together a Hawaiian Luau for the boys before we took a 6 week break and  resumed again in the fall. Have you ever wondered if things were set in order before a day even started? Predestined? I took my son Jacob and headed out to the Dollar tree to get some party decor. On the way, we stopped at the bank to get some cash. As we were heading out of the parking lot a car rushed to make it through a yellow light and hit us on the passenger side. The car was totaled but Jacob and I were fine. We walked to a restaurant across the street so that I could call my husband at work to come pick us up. Jacob and I sat on a boulder and waited for our ride. He started to cry because of a hangnail he had on his big toe! I responded that he was fine, "it's just a little ouchie!!" Man, the little things we can live to regret. ( I now have a plaster casting of my son's foot that sits in my closet and I can see that hangnail. A constant reminder that Mommies should always kiss ouchies, no matter how small.)
My husband soon arrived and took us back to the house. I was having some neck and shoulder pain and decided I would set up an appointment to see a chiropractor. I was to be there at 3:00 in the afternoon.At 2:30 my friend called from Colorado. I hadn't heard from her in a while so instead of laying Jacob down for his afternoon nap I chatted with my friend on the phone. Around 2:50 I finished my call. Just in time to head out the door for my appointment. As I went downstairs Jacob was playing with his big Pokemon marbles and bouncy ball with his 6 year old brother. The other two boys were sitting on the sofa watching TV. I will never forget this picture in my mind because it is the last time I would see my little "mister" alive, playing happily, not realizing that in just a few short minutes his little life would be taken away from us.
I continued to my vehicle and got in to leave.(Ford Expedition) As I backed out I felt a thump on my back bumper. I looked behind wondering what it could possibly be. It was garbage day, did I bump the neighbors can? I decided to pull forward and get out to see, this was THE biggest mistake I have ever made in my life and get to live with everyday. As I pulled forward I felt my wheel go over the object in the road. I was a little worried now, oh my gosh, was the cat out, the neighbors cat? As I got out of my vehicle I saw a gold shine over the object. I thought to myself,  "maybe one of the neighbor kids left a bike in the road, great!" As I got closer the shine went away and to my absolute shock and horror my son Jacob Morgan Sanchez lay there in the road, lifeless! Words can't describe what a mom feels at that moment in time. A part of my very heart and soul died that day. Now, 10 years later, I still search for myself  and who I used to be. This blog is my journey. My Story of tragedy and life never the same.Painful memories tucked away where they are safe. Something I have learned to do to survive.

Dedication

 This blog is dedicated to my son and "Angel" Jacob Morgan Sanchez. This is my story of love, loss and learning to find the way back when all seems to have been taken away! It is a continuous battle I fight everyday. One of great strength, courage and hope. My wish is to be be able to reach out to others who have suffered a great loss and to let them know they are  not alone. We are one of many, though not by choice. I wish to use this blog to share the ongoing battles I fight within myself everyday. Depression and despair, anxiety and post traumatic stress.
 Once strangers to me,  now my closest enemies! Unwanted guests, that I have to face and try and make peace with most everyday! WE are not alone, and WE will WIN this fight! Though the path may seem long and some days impossible, there is HOPE, and we will conquer and win the battle in the end, when we once again hold our loved ones in our arms and our broken wings are once restored to perfect form, we will fly!! Peace to you, Stacy